I have been working with a lot of clients who are exploring hidden resentment, a deep sense of sadness, anger, difficulty in relationships (often needy because their needs were not met appropriately) and needing to know why. If boarding school was a place you ever felt alone and had nowhere to show your feelings, perhaps you have been suppressing feelings for many years. Being told it is a privilege to go to boarding school is leaving many people feeling guilty. ‘I must please my parents, I must be grateful and I must get good grades’. However, the deepest need of unconditional love, normally offered by parents is absent. For many it seems tradition means children are sent to what seems a better place for a good education but evidence suggests children need their loved parents until, at least the age of 14 years unless home life is really bad.
Signs of difficulty are usually shown in being overweight but not really know why, drinking excessively or being needy in relationships – simply filling an unconscious void. If you want to explore this, perhaps reading the books below can help.
Boarding School Syndrome: The Psychological Trauma of the ‘privileged’ Child. Joy Schaverien (2016)
Trauma, Abandonment and Privilege: A Guide to Therapeutic Work with Boarding School Survivors. by Nick Duffell and Thurstine Basset